These are Five great answers

Smart Ass Answer

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat.... she said, Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.

Smart Ass Answer

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldnt find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger? The stock boy replied, No maam, theyre
dead.

Smart Ass Answer

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. Ive been waiting for you all day, the cop said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I go here as fast as I could. When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smart Ass Answer
A truck driver was driving along on the road. A sign comes up that reads,
Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of FUEL.

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. Now class, I
wont tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate
family, but thats it, no other excuses whatsoever A smart ass guy in the back
of the room raised his hand and asked,What would you say if tomorrow I said I
was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion? The entire class is
reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says Well, I guess youd have to write the exam with your other hand.